made an appearance, but might leave soon,
blackout in the annex got me painting by candlelight,
it’s really spring, i can tell by the way some friends have been getting good news-
hanging in there,
keepin at it,
sometimes i get ‘calm before the storm,’ and ‘you need to hit rock bottom to rise to the top,’ mixed-up, are they related somehow?
talked to someone last night about work having legs- i imagined my work with legs, in people’s homes, in galleries, at the park- i’ve never really imagined my work with limbs, though i’m pretty sure at one point i’ve seen some paintings breathe,
chest heaves and deep sighs,
past, present, past-present,
past-present, passed presents, past presence,
you guys hear about the heartbleed bug? pretty sure i’ve had that one for a while now- WOMP WOMP, kust jidding- but not just kidding,
recently realized putting faith in someone means nothing with just words, it’s participatory- i wonder how many times i’ve ‘believed’ in someone or something and thought i could exist outside of it- i wanna be more active in the lives of the people and things i believe in,
to leave a mark,
like rilke on the impressions of rodin’s fingerprints on his figures- every detail, however minute, is essential to the make-up of the greater whole- and that the whole would not carry the same weight without said things existing in the full range of meaning: purpose, error, intention, and success,
-that last addition was me tho,
is there something i can hold as a reminder of this commitment? a present type of presence? a talisman? a baseball bat?
they say, ‘if you want something bad enough….’
-how does it end?
got some great news for the fall, stick around, check up on me, i’ll let you know details soon- i love you, bbs,
for most of my life, people have entrusted me with their stories: family folklore, their gossip, dreams, the mundane of their everyday- with time, i realize how all the little pieces of these stories fit together, how specific excerpts of lives and living i’ve encountered have actively combined with chance to create my own-
the shit part of this is that i inevitably participate in, and accumulate the weight of ritual, pain, guilt and regret of things past, but these are the necessities of the larger narrative- and as much as i’m moved to build my understanding of it by listening, i know what a waste it all would be if i couldn’t contribute to it in its telling—
however disjointed the parts may seem in their many guises- they come together clearly when there is effort to collect and watch patiently,
i absorb and tell stories with my heart because after the cool, after the deflecting, we all know we must meet ourselves at night,
art history lunchin’,
winter really makes me feel like a creep, eyes on the prize, a chance to realize, writing poems and standing in the middle of a mess of papers and feeling like it’s no different than standing with your feet in melting snow,
wow, so poetic, so-po e-tic,
i stood here and stared down the traffic line and realized at some point, it disappears-
just kidding, things are still hard to understand-
perspective is a difficult thing in general,
my daily feelings of hope in this terrible-terrible-sometimes-not-bad world comes from making things,
and sometimes destroying it, thank god for f-arts,
when i can find room for it,
q: what are you into these days?
a: OH, WELL, EVERYTHING AND NOTHING, AND I LIKE IT THAT WAY—-++++
c’mon guys, letsugo SPRING!
'black and white' as a term of clarity, and my newfound consideration for building a literal and metaphorical home, has steered me in a direction to explore a monochrome interior representative of a space with allowance for limitless manifestation and formation, not unlike the different ways an idea or sentiment comes to fruition, or how a home is built and filled with things material and immaterial-
the interiors portray the abundant and idiosyncratic ways we come to terms with our thoughts, hopes and imagination, by way of exploration and accumulation,
6 X 8”, 15 x 20 cm, mixed media on paper